Bill, Bob, Cliff and the nose bidet

First of all the World Series starts tonight and my beloved Yankees are taking on the Phightin' Phillies of Philadelphia which means it's an all-east coast Series which means there is the potential for fights in the stands, and it will certainly rain a lot and be cold, which will have zero impact on me pacing the floors of the God View bedroom with the tv on until all hours of the night. While guys like Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins clearly concern me in this upcoming series, what concerns me even more is that this morning I was listening to a New York sports talk radio station and they were telling fans to get to Yankee Stadium early because Obama's wife and the VP's wife (who is the VP, anyway?) are going to be at the game today and there will be tons of security. Um. quick question - why? It's clearly going to be too cold to show off her universally celebrated arms, so it can't be just another fashion stop for ol' 'Chelle O, which begs the question of why this woman is clogging up traffic for the Series in NY?  Isn't she a White Sox fan? If I was the Prez, and I am clearly not, I certainly would not ditch the World Series at Yankee Stadium and send La Sooze instead with one of her political gal pals. No, I would be in a front row seat in a Yankees jacket and hat sitting between Rudy Giuliani and La Sooze and no doubt Billy Crystal would be nearby in case things got grim and we needed a good laugh.  Anyway, as I type this my beloved Yankees are losing 4-0 in the eighth inning of this first game and Cliff Lee of the Phightin' Phils looks very much like Cy Young. It's the curse of 'Chelle O, I'm telling you. Anyway, looks like an early night for both me and my beloveds. There's always tomorrow.

Oh I mentioned PriceLine and that shameless shill William "The Negotiator" Shatner yesterday. I'm pissed at Bill. Here's why. See the first weekend in November La Sooze and I are making a trip to Bahston with Little Kev to visit two colleges - Boston University and Emerson. So the deal is we're leaving on Thursday night and driving like 5 hours and then spending the night on the road in upstate NY then finsihing the trip the next day when we have our first college visit scheduled. So since this is one of those hotel stays where you just get in late, sleep, shower and leave, we decided we did not need the Four Seasons, but a reasonably-priced room would do. So I got on the ol' Internet and dialed up PriceLine and that shill Shatner. See if you've never used this PriceLine thing it goes like this - you pick a city and a number of stars, like a three-star hotel, and then you put a price in that you feel like paying and you either get a hotel with those stars at that price or you don't. The problem is that ol chop-chop Bill will not tell you what the actual hotel is until after you agree to pay the money, and if you say ok but don't happen to like the hotel you get there are no refunds and you are what my fat irish father used to call SOL, or Shit Out of Luck. Anyway, I am SOL. See I went through this ridiculous process and i got this Ramada Inn in Middletown, NY for a terrific price. Now i know why. After I got the confirmation from Bill I immediately jumped on my all-time favorite website, my travel bible TripAdvisor, which provides reviews of hotels all across this great country of ours. So i punch in this wonderful hotel and the first review I see says the following three letter word" UGH!" Not good. I read on. Other headlines say "Bring disinfectant," "Keep driving," and my personal favorite "This place should be inspected by the Health Dept." Great. The individual reviews tell you about dirty rooms with broken furniture, missing ceiling tiles and broken door locks. Vacation paradise.  Can't wait to get there. Anyway after reading these rave reviews I contacted ol' PriceLine and threw myself at the mercy of The Negotiator but to no avail - no refunds, pal. So now I hate Bill Shatner and PriceLine and I am absolutely dreading going to this awful  hotel like I am dreading the prospect of fielding calls and e-mails from Phillie fans tomorrow. UGH indeed.

Oh also i did try out the ol' Neti Pot last night and it was terrific, though I don't think I will have myself vdeotaped while performing the act and post it on YouTube. It's a little awk having a little tea pot spout jammed up one nostril and warm water pouring out the other one like a mini Victoria Falls. Felt pretty good, though. In fact today i did a little additional research on my friend the Neti Pot and one of the sites I read said the pot can result in "dramatic improvements in chronic mucus and catarrh (basically a cold)  problems, eye complaints, reduced anxiety and an improvement in sleep problems." The magical elixir - all of life's problems flushed out of your nasal caviites. Just ask Oprah.  Maybe if you rub it hard a little genie will come out and grant you three nose-related wishes as well. Oh, also in my research I found out that the pot is sometimes called a, and I'm quoting here: "nose bidet." Cracked me up. A couple of years ago my whole fam, including La Sooze's mom aka Mema, went on vacation in the Dominican Republic at one of those all-inclusive resorts. Apparently every country in the free world has bidets except the US where we believe our private parts to be superior and already cleaner than those in the remainder of the universe. Anyway there were bidets in all the bathrooms of the hotel where we stayed and the boys, Little Kevin, really, used the one in his room to consistently clean the sand off his feet from the beach. I have an actualy photograph of one of these cleanings. Smart boy, really, but he needs to be a little more careful about where he puts his feet.

Oh, one more quick thing before I turn the telvision off and make believe there is no World Series going on. Today i got an e-mail from the person above me in the corporate organization chart - PAM. Pam was forwarding an e-mail that she had received informing her that some company was doing a background check on me. Uh oh. Connecticut Bob Wintershoe is apparently still thinking he likes me but wants to be sure I am not a total creep before he pops the question. Oh, and for some reason he tells PAM about it. Thanks Bob.  Of course when PAM asked me I totally denied all knowledge of what was going on, telling PAM I had no idea what that was about - probably e-mail spam. Anyway, as I predicted, I thought this particular Bob W went well and maybe there will be something more this time than an e-mail telling me that they've decided to "pursue an internal candidate" as Philadelphia Bob Wintershoe told me earlier this year  after I'd schleped three times to the City of Brotherly Love (another reason to dislike Philly btw). Anyway, nothing is decided yet but I have this intuition about this and I am clearly feeling Bob's love. Wow. I wonder what Connecticut looks like in November.